I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
