You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
