Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
