So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
