next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can't turn off my feet"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
