Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
