when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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