I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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