Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
