had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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