I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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