i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
