hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
whose parrot is this?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
