Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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