My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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