I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
