Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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