I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
