the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Come on in and take your pants off
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
