I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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