Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
