mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
