If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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