The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
