I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
