We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
