I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
