Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
