I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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