don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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