I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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