Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
