how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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