I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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