Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
