i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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