Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
