i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
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Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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