I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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