Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
