Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
