Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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