Your tits are I can't wait for
People in love make me want to vomit
if i died would you start the facebook group?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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