He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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