Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
