naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
