I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
