dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
