grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
