i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
