When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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