There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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