i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
