I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
