That's when you crack a 10am beer
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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