I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
