I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
