I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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