May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
