I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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