they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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